“Deceive not thyself by over-expecting happiness in the married estate. Remember the nightingale which sing only some months in the spring, but commonly are silent when they have hatched their eggs.” --- Thomas Fuller
Simple solution
Life doesn’t have to be as complex or as hard as many people make it. There are simple solutions to many of life’s problems, one of which is getting married. No kidding. But I don’t blame those who think it’s a crazy idea. After all, a great percentage of marriage ends up in divorce, and not too many couples have a satisfying marriage relationship.
Indeed, in these day and age of instant gratification, getting married is considered a big problem, not a simple solution; a suicide, not a challenge; a form of stupidity, not a test of one’s sense of responsibility. Thus the last thing in the mind of young men and women is to get married. Why buy the cow when you can have the milk? It’s not worth having the pig if all you want is its sausage. And the jokes go on. Funny they can make jokes and follow them like divine orders and yet squander their life by investing on sexually-transmitted diseases, drugs, alcohol, and other destructive activities that lead to non-fulfilling goals and would only result in a more complicated life, a sad and lonely life in the long run. They don’t think of tomorrow, but tomorrow never dies; it always comes.
Of course marriage is a big responsibility, but it’s an ultimate challenge that measures what kind of stuff we are really made of. Marriage requires honesty and sincerity if it is to be successful, and love, devotion and understanding if it is to be satisfying. It provides a boundary within which self-centeredness gets confronted. If we don’t learn to listen better to each other, share more and compromise fairly, all too often we’d run into complications and difficulties, and live a life of frustration, disappointment, and unhappiness. Many married couples just don’t value married life until it’s about to break apart.
Marriage, according to various studies, reduces by about 50% the risk of premature death and disability – up to age 70. I haven’t read any study about living together but I presume it works the same way. Having someone to share your life and your feelings with can help keep you healthy. And what could be better than to have someone who loves you and be there to scratch your back in the middle of the night?
Sex
When married couples have mismatched desire especially sexual desire where they have significant different sexual appetites, married life could be stressful - it could become a big problem although it often happens years later when hormones specifically testosterone start to wax and wane. Testosterone is the hormone that turns on both men and women. The lack of it turns you off. But the biggest turnoff in sex however regardless of age is blaming or criticizing each other for any sexual problem or inadequacy. Blame and criticism make you lose your desire for each other. They never solve problem; they make it worst. Problem needs solution, not sour comment that only complicates it.
Regardless of age, testosterone or not, married couples should make time for sex. There is no reason why a more sexual marital partner wanting a more pleasurable sex can’t have one. But many couples think that they need to be in the mood to have sex when in fact they need to have sex to get in the mood. Sexual desire, according to some research, doesn’t just happen. Most people have to be physically stimulated to feel the desire. Thus many couples who were not in the mood to begin with, once they got into it, they could not stop enjoying each other. In other words, just do it.
Sex is important not just because of its pleasure, but because it is about feeling wanted, attractive, loved, desired and emotionally connected. In some men, it is about a sense of well-being, of confidence and reassurance of their potency. Further, sex releases tension, and all too often sleep is great after sex. Its frequent rejections can cause a rift in marriage that could result in infidelity and divorce because rejections lead to resentments and hurt feelings. The very thing that helps keep you together would start pulling you apart. Thus a loving, pleasurable sexual relationship can be a tie that binds a marriage.
Some of us may have grown up in a family, culture or religion that believes or considers sex as mainly for procreation rather than for pleasure. Such belief no matter how insignificant is to our own disadvantage because we know from experience that sex is the most pleasurable act. There is no reason to simply let it die all because we have grown old. The old adage that says “what you don’t use, you will lose” applies to everything including sex. So use it! Or lose it!
The Wedding Ceremony
The wedding of Jeffrey and Vanessa was definitely impressive. It was grand in its design, thorough in its planning and admirable in its execution. It was conducted with class and order in mind. The bride looked stunning in her gown and the maids looked charming and pretty in theirs. Sorry, I have nothing to say about the men, for I have been taught lately by a lady of course that to really appreciate a wedding, you keep an eye on the women, and that’s what I did. Anyway, whoever was or were behind its planning did a magnificent job. It was well-prepared, well-scripted, well-rehearsed and well-performed. It went smoothly without snags or snaps. If there was any awkward moment on any of the participants, it was too brief to notice.
Everyone in the entourage was glowing and glorious with radiance that seemed to warm the church. Seeing the smile of excitement, love, joy and happiness of both the bride and groom you thought of sunlight dancing on water, catching the undersides of leaves. The tears that were about to mist and flow from Ed’s and Vivian’s eyes dried up and cleared at the spectacle. The bride and groom looked upon each other’s face with the same awe and devotion that the moon feels toward the sun. You could see the love in their eyes. It is as if the wedding is what they’ve been wanting for all their life, the sum and substance of their dreams.
The church was filled with friends and families that came from everywhere. For a moment I thought I was in the Philippines, the chatters of the same dialect gave me the déjà vu and made me feel at ease to move freely taking pictures. I believe that almost all of those invited came, eager to witness the binding of love and happiness, and to participate with the celebration. Ed and Vivian must have invited closer to 500 guests, enough to make it hard to find a parking space and not easy to choose a seat in the church.
The Wedding Celebration
Somehow in a group of mischievous individuals like our group of Class 1972, there always seem to be someone who, perhaps because of lack of exposure and experience, does something that becomes a source of amusement for others. During the cocktail hours, food and drinks were plenty and delicious, more than all the people who were there could consume – from salad to shrimps, adobo to lechon, etc. Benfer Aranton thought that was it and so, he ate all he could. He wondered why the plates were small. He thought that the adjacent ballroom was for music and dance. I guess he had never attended a Grand Ball of our CIM alumni reunion. So when we had our sit down dinner of lobster and filet mignon, he was already full. Looking at his dinner plate, he almost wished he is allergic to lobster.
The wedding celebration was full of fun, not just food and drinks, laughter and merriment. Even the lady crooner of the hired band had her way with jokes and humor and was having fun. But it was the father of the bride who was the spotlight of the night. Ed’s sense of humor is something to be desired. He delivered his talk that could make you laugh and cry, but more laugh than cry. He was eloquent like he is natural as though he was talking to his family in their living room. He had something for both the bride and the groom, an advice in humor but with a lot of truth in it, a charming and loving way of doing it. He said that Vanessa should make all the minor decisions while Jeffrey makes all the major decisions in their household. But Jeffrey would soon realize that all future decisions become minor ones.
Family success results when faith, love and understanding are constantly shown and encouraged like the way Ed and Vivian do in their family. For, when faith, love and understanding are allowed to leave, doubt, hate and resentment fill the void, making success an insurmountable odd. Out of love, Ed and Vivian spared nothing to make their daughter’s wedding a memorable occasion just as they spared nothing to see their daughters succeed. Vanessa just passed the BAR exam and now a lawyer, while Charlene just graduated medical school and now an M.D.
Our nights in the hotel
We’ve been so fortunate to have Dodong and Dita Mercado as one of us, for they have the good habit of spoiling us with great food by bringing their kitchen in their van with them to their hotel room every time we have the occasion for a little reunion. It’s always their room we gathered for the night to eat some more or have snacks, and to talk, joke, laugh and sing all the way to the wee hours of the morning. And that’s exactly what we were doing the two nights we were there in the hotel room of the Mercados although El Presidente Doming Ong came in the second night not to join the fun but to lie down on the bed provocatively like a hooker. Pompei could not resist and kissed him. I guess it was Doming’s way of joining the fun, and indeed it was fun.
Dita Mercado is one hell of a good friend. She is not only tolerant of our mischief; she laughs with us and never judges. Her attitude and personality make us feel at home like she is our loving sister who would see to it that all her mischievous brothers are taken care of and never go hungry, and Dodong, our good brother-in-law. As the song goes, “We are family!…” That’s how fortunate we are.
Oh how we laughed at the foolishness of our youth, the crazy things we did in the medical school. We wondered and laughed at what might have been for some of us if our choices of our spouses were different. All those crazy things, some of them maybe embarrassing although no one cared, are good sources of amusement. They also have a way of reminding us that life is short, and the best way to spend the rest of our life is to live, love and laugh, and to look forward to the occasion when we’ll be together again. It is something that makes us take better care of ourselves. It makes life more challenging.
It is now apparent that the main reason why Pedot (Wingig) missed joining with us on two previous occasions was because he wanted to look better. He has been going to the gym regularly, running on the treadmill and pumping irons to trim down because the last time he joined with us, Benfer Aranton almost did not recognize him. He looked like the living proof of the result of drinking too much beer. When Diosy Catalan said – “Ni borot man ka Pedot,” Wingig was forced to respond with a humor – “Dili uy. Hupong ni.” Now Wingig looks great, trimmed and fit like he could drive the women wild if he would dance and strip. That’s how one should take an unfavorable comment and turn it into a positive motivation – a good sign of mental health.
A memory to stay
Indeed it was a memorable wedding. Every one had so much fun. The dance floor was almost always crowded because no matter the music, almost everyone went on to dance. I would not have missed the wedding for the world. At my age when reflexes are slowing down, long driving is something I’m not excited anymore. I would have flown but my wife who wanted to come is afraid of flying since the 9 -11 terrorist attacks. But both of us were so glad we came.
The wedding was also a great occasion, a happy occasion that doesn’t come very often in life of seeing friends, classmates and colleagues I haven’t seen for years like Andy Yap who always has that friendly smile every time we meet like we’ve been good friends for a long time, and Cora Ong Go and Anabelle Lim Go who looked splendid and elegant. The last time I saw them was long time ago.
Cora and Anabelle still have the charm and grace like they never passed through a midlife crisis on their way to the empty nest syndrome. Cora had moved out of the fast lane of the medical practice years ago and is taking the easy country road of life. Although she claims that she has some senior moments already and maybe her memory has gathered a little bit of clouds, but the passing of the years haven’t seemed to alter that much, let alone ravaged her physical charms. And so with Anabelle whose peculiar welcoming smile and laughter readily bring you back to the days in CIM. They are like wine that only gets sweeter with the passing of the years.
All good things come to an end, and so we headed home on Sunday and were unable to attend the post-wedding brunch at Ed and Vivian’s residence. We had to drive home early because we wanted to be out of the winding, steep highways of the mountains of West Virginia and the Shenandoah Mountains of Virginia before it would get dark since the time was moved one hour back. I decided to cut through I-77 to I-64 rather than through the Ohio-Pennsylvania Turnpike because of the traffic in Northern Virginia that I have to go through if I use the turnpike. Also, my wife became restless because our dog was left alone, a German Shepard that considers anyone outside the family as an enemy.
We arrived home safely and the dog was so happy to see us. The dog had put on lots of weight. He ate a week supply of food in three days time. But I’m glad he did. He became too heavy to jump over the fence.
An appreciation
Our thanks to Ed and Vivian for inviting us to their daughter’s wedding. It’s an honor, and to be with friends and classmates on such occasion is a great privilege. Our thanks also to Lando and Lorna Tiu for providing us the ride from the hotel to the places of activities and back. I did not want to drive in a place I’m not familiar with especially during the night. It makes me uncomfortable and gives me headaches.
A note
I’ll try to place the wedding pictures next week, a little delayed because I’m still using the traditional camera and with the Holloween, it takes almost a week for stores to have the pictures developed. Also, we’ll be moving to another residence at the end of next week, a place where the only high-speed Internet access is through satellite from DirecTV. I don’t know how fast the connection is and whether it’s available there. But for sure, I don’t want the dial-up connection which is too slow for me. If you don’t get any message from me after then, it means that my computer is still waiting for an Internet connection.
So if you have an e-mail message for me starting next weekend November 11, send it to any of these addresses until further notice:
cse1409@yahoo.com
clestrera@gmail.com
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