August 2002 Vol. 2 Issue 13
An Internet Newsletter publication of the American Society of CIM Alumni, Inc.
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August 2002 Vol. 2 Issue 13 |
An Internet Newsletter publication of the American Society of CIM Alumni, Inc. | |
THE ASOCIMAI OFFICERS: Dominador Ong, M.D. Board Members: Horace Cabasares, M.D. CME Coordinator: Ways and Means Committee BRAIN WAVES STAFF: Editorial Board: Maida Antigua, M.D. Editor and Technical Adviser: Staff Correspondents: Send news, articles, pictures, announcement, obituary, etc., to:clems3ra@rcn.com
| Editorial"Often when we're being tough and strong, we're scared. It takes a lot of courage to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to be soft." - Dudley Martineau Human Behavior (Part 1) A person that has no use for persuasion has very little, if any, use for reason either. His day-to-day life is likely to be ridden with demons, delusions and frustrations. To deal with such person is hard and could be full of anxiety, worry, fear and frustrations. If he happens to be your boss, he could make your life miserable defending on how you handle yourself. If you take his behavior personally, you become defensive. Soon you'd begin to doubt yourself and become suspicious of others. Doubt and suspicion would seep into your subconscious and steal into your illusion of who you are and who others are. They distort your perception and eliminate learning, growth and friendship. They ask too much and give too little. Defensiveness tightens its grip in your mind and keeps it from thinking clearly, let alone positively. Unless you recognize what and who you really are and that one's behavior has absolutely nothing to do with you, your focus would be on escape and on finding another job rather than understand and tolerate a challenging life of anxiety, toxicity or frustration. Unfortunately, there are incidences in which some of us thought we have escaped from the frying fun, only to get into the fire as the saying goes. I believe it is often better "to deal with the devil you know than the devil you do not know."
Life isn't fair But there are some individuals who are psychologically troubled and their behavior has nothing personal against us. Their ego constantly tries to prove that they are superior and special yet delusional. But to feel superior, they have to compare themselves with others and thus they feel the need to dominate in order to demonstrate their power and superiority. Yet when their sense of reality is threatened, they feel angry. When they feel angry, they feel justified in saying nasty things. Obviously, if we take their words personally, we are likely to get angry too. Two individuals angry with each other do not produce pleasant result. Fortunately, there are not too many of such individuals, and in some of them, their behavior comes from personality disorder that makes them disregard social values and other people's feelings. In others, however, such behavior may arise from cultural or family background that tolerates and even encourages people to be egocentric or macho, to be critical of others' weaknesses, flaws, faults and personalities, cynical of others' ambitions, and sarcastic of others' achievements. They grew up believing in the survival-of-the-fittest principle and thus for them to survive and succeed, they've got to have power and control. Yet when things don't go their way, they would view everything in negative light and their strong emotions like anger and hostility would dominate and rule their behavior. They would become even more threatening, intimidating and dominating. But under their dominating and intimidating facade, there is a pitiful fragility - an eagle's body on a sparrow's frame. |
A Close Encounter of the Worse Kind
I once worked with a boss who called me "coconut head," not as a joke, but as a way of telling me that I did not have what it would take to impress him. I was never fazed by such putdown because I knew that if I had a coconut head, then he had a spaghetti for a brain. To him, insults and obscenities are parts of the daily routines. He would open the day cursing and cussing, and end it up swearing and swinging his middle finger at an imaginary person. I guessed it was intended for our administrator who always cut the budget to bare necessities. He was the sorriest man I had ever known and worked with. He was very unhappy in life, didn't have friends because he was prejudiced and had obnoxious behavior. He was an old southern white urologist who had to leave his private practice because his patients were leaving him. As much as I could, I always tried to avoid assisting him in the OR when he did transabdominal prostate resection, not because I was afraid of him, but because he was brutal. He would hook his fingers and dig inside the pelvic area and then jerk and pull out the prostate.
Doing the surgery with his fingers, he often reminded me when I was a kid in Camotes putting my whole arm deep into a land crab hole to catch the crab (cagang) after we filled the hole with mud and the crab would not come out. I would grab and grasp the crab with my bare hand and slowly pull it out of the hole intact and alive. But I was a lot more careful and gentle. My boss on the other hand, once he plucked and pulled the entire prostate, he would raise it up with his hand dripping blood like a gladiator after cutting the head off his opponent and show it to the crowd. It was not blood that made me cringed, but the brutality of it all. It made me swear to keep my own prostate and stay away from urologist. Yet my boss seemed to enjoy it like he was saying to himself, "I've got you now" and that he was really doing a favor to the patient. Everyone was afraid of him particularly the OR nurses because his temper had a way of getting the worst of him and he would throw instruments all over the place like he was having fits. With a pathological lack of restraints, it would not take much to spark and ignite his very short fuse and detonate his radioactive temper. Many co-workers resented him and some harbored outright hatred. One evening, as we were ready to go home, he found his car with all four tires punctured and flat. Everyone would avoid my boss if they could because he would yell or scream at anyone in front of everyone when something goes wrong or he is not satisfied with what's going on. Even if you notice everyone's empathic gesture after he screams at you, it's hard not to get embarrassed. At one time during our morning grand round, he screamed at me for something that I was not even on duty when it happened. It was not the first time he screamed at me, but this time, I responded, "I'm awfully sorry, sir. I didn't get that. Would you mind screaming it again?" Some of the ones who were around almost choked because they had to hold and hide their laughter.
After the rounds, he told me that he wanted me in his office for a talk. Many individuals like my boss, when they become a leader like a director, a manager or a supervisor, they believe in the command-and-control way of doing or accomplishing things and achieving goals. They ignore flexibility, the fun of working with others, the ability to make the people who work for or with them feel valued, and the ability to encourage these people to learn from their own mistakes. Instead, they focus on wielding their power, not on the fate of their people; and rely on control, not on inspiring trust. They follow the demands of their insatiable ego often allowing arrogance to cloud their judgment. They take too much credit for everything that is good, and blame and punish anyone involved in anything that is bad and yet, they don't accept their own mistakes, let alone take responsibilities for such mistakes. They lose sight of the fact that trust and respect are being won or earned, and to win or earn them, they need more than just absolute power. (To be Continued) Rebuttal for Dr. Villa’s Commentary Re; Did Hippocrates Swear His Oath? The dogged polemics of science is open and free. Because of that, a new species from Homo sapiens sapiens will have to evolve first to prove Darwin convincingly right, or maybe cloning will altogether prove him wrong. So with abortion, but for as long as there is poverty, disease, rape, incest and other circumstances that bog down our conscience. So with euthanasia, but for as long as caring and compassionate physicians feel strongly the pain and suffering of the terminally ill. Yes, I pretty much recall the time I swore the Hippocratic Oath. Right there and then, I had to ask why not. Why can I not use a knife for sufferers of stone? Or, could these words have meant differently? If I swore, as I understood it, I would be a fool going to the OR to assist or perform cholecystectomy or cystolithotomy. Politicians take years to break a promise. Here I had to breach a solemn Oath as soon as I get to the hospital. I wonder why our mentors fed us these words (untenable interdictions in the Oath) for the sake of solemnity or pageantry. This only sets double standards. Say it now, and do otherwise later. Let us have some honesty here, if I may quote Dr. Villa. Shouldn’t we be guiltier of being hypocritical? Hippocrates and his physicians could not have sworn to this Oath in its entirety because they were doing and teaching surgery and therapeutic abortion like we do today. Why do we perpetuate the intolerance of fanatical, religious fundamentalism of the Dark Ages? We see this sort of moral authority in the Taliban today. Let us swear a Hippocratic Oath. Wilmo C. Orejola, M.D., Class of 1974 New Members: Teresita Avila-Varona, M.D. Class 1965 New members welcome to our alumni e-mail community. It looks like all those alumni with e-mail address must have already joined with our community. Some of those who don't have e-mail address are probably still thinking about getting one, while the rest don't have the time to think about it, let alone get one. Our community once reached almost 250 alumni members, but it has been reduced by attrition to exactly 221 alumni as of this month. I had to delete those addresses that returned my messages on three occasions based on "three strikes and you're out." Some of these alumni probably changed their address without notifying any of the officers. I can't help but interpret it as a sign that they may have been annoyed by my e-mail messages and they no longer want the normal pattern of their existence disturbed. Nothing I can do about it. They have closed the only access and I can't even force my way in because there is no more way in for me. Perhaps in others, they have not opened their e-mail account for a while maybe because their teenage kid who does it for them is gone to school or camp and thus their e-mail account is invalidated. Yet we have almost 370 friends in our community; they are non-alumni and most, if not all, are non-physicians. Many of them were surprised initially how I got their e-mail address. I got them from the forward messages of some of our alumni and their friends. But when they read our newsletter, some of them had expressed their desire to be included in our community's mailing list, and I interpreted the silence of others as "yes" to include them as friends. I put them all under CIM Friends - Non-alumni members. And they are from all over the world. As a matter of fact, one of them is from Switzerland and she has information about Iceland in this Brain Waves' issue. We also have a guest correspondent from the UST Class 1962 who gave us penetrating opinions about life most of us once had in the Philippines. We built our community and started CIM Brain Waves with only one basic principle - sharing. And it has always been our understanding that sharing would lead to enlightenment. So anyone who has something to share; like ideas, information, knowledge, opinions, comments, etc., whether he or she is one of the alumni or non-alumni, will always have a space in our newsletter for what he or she wants to share with everyone. Our community is not exclusive; it is inclusive. We want to reach out to those who are curious, and let go those who are suspicious before they get annoyed and upset of our e-mail messages. We don't want to insist on shining and sharing our light with those who prefer dimness or darkness. Life is much more of a process and a journey than a matter of answers and destinations. There are people that become insecure or uneasy when in their journey, a road they are not familiar with is being opened to them. Instead of being curious, they become suspicious. Instead of opening themselves to the many possibilities and then get into the road with others and see what's in it and where it leads to, they rely on their assumptions. So they make decisions based on their assumptions that there is nothing in that road for them and that such road may only lead to some kind of danger or discomfort. Thus they stay away from that road and not join with the others in the journey. Obviously, they'll miss all the lovely scenery along the way and not learn the lessons of the journey. Curiosity leads to learning, and learning means growth. When you stop learning, you stop growing. When you stop growing, you start dying. So keep your curiosity alive and open yourself to every possibility because it will lead you to learn something different and grow. It will also help you stay focused and developed a sense of purpose that guides your life. Knowledge in different subjects helps us understand ourselves; our emotions, thoughts and actions. Psychologists tell us that all anger stems from fear. We all know that fear often comes from ignorance. Eliminate the fear, and you eliminate the anger. So what do you need? Enlightenment and knowledge. Stagnation is not a good option.
Stagnation may make us feel secure, but it's a stale security that we should exchange for the stimulation of renewal to get into the flow even if such flow goes slow. Personal development and growth is an improvement process that never really ends. It's the flow that we should be going with regardless of our age. Growth is not possible in stagnation. When water stagnates, it soon loses its purity, and its minerals and the living organisms in it undergo toxic decomposition. What follows next is a smell of death. Web Site Traffic The number of hits is significant to us because it tells us that we've finally reached many of you and you have responded. It also tells us that the reunion pictures must have attracted many viewers and thus we may have to think of improving further the clarity, brightness and beauty of the pictures we are going to take in the upcoming many more reunions we hope. I'm sorry that I did not identify the names of the alumni in the pictures. But I started putting the alumni names in those wider or bigger pictures although I don't know the names of most of the alumni of the Class 1962 and 1967. Both have the bigger pictures. If anyone of you can identify the alumni in those pictures or in other pictures, please send me the list of the names in the left to right order and I'll put them in. Pictures are very important, not only that a picture can paint a thousand words, it is an excellent reminder of the so many pleasant memories we have had. And having these pictures in the web site would make them available to us any place, anywhere in the world. We can view them again and again whether we're in China or Manila, Timbukto or Lapu-Lapu, Austria or Australia, New Zealand or Ireland, Venice or Camotes, and so on, as long as we have an access to the Internet. It definitely bets bringing a photo album with you wherever you go. And to know that others like our friends, cousins, classmates, colleagues and other people all over the world are viewing the pictures too, is even more wondrous to think of. After all, the world is already wired and connected. It's just that many people including many of our fellow alumni have not connected themselves to it yet. Everyone loves to see themselves look good in the pictures and perhaps look funny occasionally. Thus I'm planning to take at least the basic course on the Adobe Photo Shop and get the software. It's the best there is for graphic and picture manipulation. With it, I'll be able to colorize black and white pictures, make someone pretty by removing wrinkles and perhaps put a small mole on a strategic location of one's face, darken one's hair or make it blonde, etc. Or put a big wart on the face of those alumni I don't like. Just kidding. But I will also be able to remove one's head and put it on someone else's body and you'd not even notice the difference, let alone the incision. Call me a frustrated plastic surgeon, but what I haven't had the opportunity to do in real life with the use of a knife, I want to do it in the computer with the use of a mouse. Make no mistake that we, the leaders and volunteers of our association, are not the kind that settle for mediocrity. Because we believe that every one of you is important in our association, every one of you deserves more than the ordinary. Try us and attend our alumni reunion next year in San Diego so you will see what we're talking about. Don't simply assume, for assumption is based mainly on prejudices, not on facts and realities. Prejudice is a clinical manifestation of a closed mind. We make judgement not on the basis of the see-for-yourself principle, but on the basis of what we think, believe and thus assume it's going to be. Then out of that judgement, we make decision or conclusion. But assumption is often distorted, negative and poorly thought of. It's emotion-directed like being in love with the passion, not the person. We often consider only the past and previous similarities and experiences, not the present and future changes and differences. Being closed to possibilities not similar to what we are assuming, our mind is likely to view a change or a difference as an emotional sneak attack, not a desirable course of events. We tend to doubt every such change or question every such course and thus tend to avoid the evidence that such change or course is really going on. The reality is, our association is changing because we, the leaders and volunteers of our association, are not satisfied with the old ways of doing the same old things and achieving the same old results. Our association deserves more than the status quo. We want to provide what it deserves. During World War II, a battalion of the American army was pinned down by the Japanese machine gun fire from above the hill. Seeing so many soldiers hit and they were not able to advance, the commander shouted: "Retreat!" One platoon shouted back: "Hell! We just got here!" This became the famous battle cry of World War II. Anyway, if you're already impressed with what we've done for our association, our slogan cry is this: "Heck, we're just getting started!" Gratitude and Appreciation Memories, pleasant memories in particular, are an essential part of our rich life experience, and it's gratifying to retain them. Hopefully, our recent successful reunion was not just an infatuation or love at first sight, but a long lasting affair - An Affair to Remember even if you're Sleepless in Seattle like Georgia in my Mind, and thus Breaking Up Is Hard To Do. You can tell anyone about it and you don't have to start by saying, Matud Nila, because you were there. Obviously, we are hoping that every one of you in our association - The Young and The Restless, The Fast and The Furious, The Rare Bunch, The Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Men in Black, The Grumpy Old Men, The Little Women, - who, after having seen the Signs that are now in our web sites, would no longer wonder and say It's Impossible. Instead, you'd at least think of participating knowing that Only You have The Magic Touch that can make our association achieve unity and harmony without being Bedazzled by petty differences, and our next reunion and every other reunion a great success even if we don't have The Great Expectations. Indeed you have that power although it's not Austin Power. Yeah, Baby!…. Reunion 2002 Highlights "Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength." -Arnold Schwarzenegger "Education must precede motivation...If someone is going down the wrong road, he doesn't need motivation to speed him up. What he needs is education to turn him around. " - Jim Rohn "Motivation isn't going to strike you like lightning. It's not something that others can bestow or force on you. The whole idea of motivation is a trap. Forget motivation - just do it! Exercise, lose weight, test your blood sugar - or whatever. After you start doing it, the motivation will come." -The New England Journal of Medicine "It is only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it were the only one we had." -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross "One ought, everyday at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words." -- Johnann Wolfgang Von Goethe A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. On leaving the army, an old soldier got a white-collar job. One day he arrived at the office to find that he had been given a new young secretary. While taking dictation, she noticed that his fly was open. She wondered whether or not to mention it but in the end she thought she had better say something. So she said discreetly: "Did you know your barracks door is open?" Impressions of Iceland
Population: 260,000; approx. half live in Reykjavik, the capital I was so fascinated by Iceland, I just have to share with you what I’ve seen. First of all, we thought we’d be confronted with much ice on this trip that we packed the warmest winter clothes we had. The first day in Reykjavik was 20°C (70‘sF) that I perspired under my winter coat! I brought along my rain gear – umbrella, raincoat, rain pants , the works. It did rain intermittently but amazingly one doesn’t get wet in their rain. Don’t ask me why. However, during our trip, we had mostly 12°C or low 60‘sF and cloudy skies. We rented a small Opel and drove an average 300km/day. One does not feel this distance in driving. The highway is usually deserted anyway, there’s no stress. It’s in fact a leisurely drive . My daily problem was the toilet facilities. Many times there were no towns in a hundred miles and one can’t just hide‘ behind a stone because there are no stones! The area is just plainly flat and barren. And besides with that cold wind blowing, who wants to risk a bladder infection? Our first overnight stay was in a secluded guesthouse, in the middle of nowhere. The cottage could accommodate 20 guests. Our icelandic dinner consisted of salad, then lamb, and tomato soup with yellow beets, and boiled potatoes. We could have as much as we wanted. Then we had dessert of rice pudding and coffee. It was very homey. Surprisingly, all the 20 guests that day came from Switzerland. Mostly spoke French though. It was a lively dinner, and breakfast the next day was just as fun. Walter and I continued with our journey up north. The following evenings we found ourselves in big, impersonal hotels, often flocked by tour groups. We usually went to town and ate dinner where the natives also visited. Food is expensive in Iceland. A regular hamburger and fries cost $20.- We usually paid $25.-35.-/p for a meal. The whole time we were travelling, I couldn’t order rice. It was just not on the menu! The first time I ate rice was when we returned to Reykjavik before the flight home. We saw a Chinese restaurant and I was able to convince Walter to have our dinner there. In the Supermarket, a kilo of Uncle Ben’s rice cost $5.-; ordinary rice is about $2.-/lb.; alcoholic drinks are hard to find. A non-alcohol white wine cost $20.-/bottle. Beer has 2% alcohol and costs $2.- What makes Iceland fascinating? Its landscape is different. It is very barren. Trees are rare, they say less than 1% of the space and consisting mainly of birches and willows. Vegetables and flowers are grown in greenhouses. There are hundreds of miles of lava fields, long, winding brooks, rivers and lakes and waterfalls in abundance. There are also dozens of volcanoes. What fascinated Walter most were the hot springs, and we went to several of them. The Strokkur geyser spouts as high as 50 meters and is very attractive. We took the formidable bath in the blue lagoon. The glaciers are also a sight. The biggest glacier, the Vatnajökull, is about the size of Canton Bern. I could stand on top of one of those glaciers. With my hiking abilities this was not quite possible in Switzerland. I was most fascinated by the icebergs. Those huge ice blocks floating on the lake are magnificent. We walked around the iceberg lagoon for 2 hours. The drive along the fjords was unforgettable. I thought I had seen the best coastlines in the Philippines or the Pacific highway 1 of California. The scenery along the fjords is Godsent. Sometimes we found ourselves driving alongside the beach; at other times we are on top of cliffs seeing birdlife by the hundreds nesting . We also joined a whale watching trip. We saw dozens of dolphins that swam playfully along the boat. We did see whales but they were far. I saw the tail of a buckwhale as it dove down. What I fondly remember are the small, quaint fishing villages. These towns are so sleepy and rustic, they seem to bring you back in time. We visited one village with a Sea Aquarium. Although the exhibit was small, it was quite informative and engaging. A lumpfish was in one of the aquariums and they were selling its caviar. So I got some of those. It was naturally more affordable than the Beluga caviar. Fishing accounts for 75% of export revenues. They steadily developed and modernized this sector and is the driving force of the economy. Iceland has one of the highest standards of living. Now, I was thinking of the Philippines, of course. We have hundreds of miles of ocean too. I leave the obvious question unasked. I was not sleeping well in Iceland. It was always bright! I’d wake up and think it’s 6am; but it’s only 2am; and then at 4am again, etc. One time I got up and took a picture from our room at 3am, and the sun was just perfect. The stores are also open late; grocery stores close at 11pm. On our last day in Reykjavik, we walked across town. I kept on saying that there’s got to be Filipinos in this island. Soon enough we met an Asian and I asked her directly if she was a Filipina. She was from Bohol and worked in a nursing home. She has a working permit. Her best friend, married to an Icelander, helped her immigrate. In the market, I met 2 Filipinas from Iligan City. Both are in bi-cultural marriage. They say their life in Iceland is okay, it’s just too cold. I said, your temperature here is about the same as in Switzerland. Although, Iceland is far north and close to the Arctic circle, the warmth of the gulf stream gives a mild climate. Otherwise, it is said that Iceland would not be habitable. Anyway, I networked with these women and said that they should join the Babaylan women’s network in Europe. As I walked down one of the alleys, I came across the Philippine store. I said, "we’ll survive anywhere"! I would like to visit Iceland again. This time we ought to get a big, 4-wheel drive and venture into the highlands. We managed quite poorly and with risk on dirt roads with our Opel Corsa. But then, we just didn’t want to miss anything. We drove the car to the limit (not in speed) but in capability. The short stopover in Copenhagen was optimized by a quick meeting with Nit-nit Mongaya. We had Danish pastries and coffee and chatted for an hour. I’m glad we took this time to see each other. These are rare opportunities. Back in Switzerland, we are relishing warmer weather. The flowers are in full bloom and we could sit in the garden and enjoy inexpensive bottles of wine over candlelight, unfortunately not through the brightness of the midnight sun. (Editor's Note: Anny Hefti is a psychologist who is working on a research study about bi-cultural or multi-cultural marriages in Europe. She speaks different languages and has not forgotten Cebuano dialect. She lives in Switzerland. She is a regular reader of CIM Brain Waves.) Things happen for a reason - I really believe that. When one door closes, another one opens – I believe that, too. Most important of all, I believe that there is a BEING mightier and more powerful than any mortal I know. These philosophical credos have been put to the test time and time again in the face of adversities when I am confronted with the profound realization that I have depleted my resources, that I neither have the quick fix nor the simple solution to a bind that I find myself in. I was in such a bind in the spring of 1997. I lost my job. I was Chief Executive Officer of a multi-million, multi-specialty health service organization in Arizona. I was hired on 2-year contract basis, and at the end of my second term (after 4 years), the Board of Directors voted not to renew my contract. So, technically, in plain layman’s language, I was fired. I have never been fired in my entire professional life. This was my first. If anything, from my first international assignment back in ’73, my career was one of a series of advances and I took pride in the fact that my track record told me I excelled in my field. Where did I go wrong? I couldn’t be incompetent because this is a job I know like the palm of my hand. When I came into the organization, I came with a vision , and I slowly put that vision together into reality, piece by piece, like a jigsaw puzzle. In four years during my watch, the organization grew. I felt very comfortable working with a minority group, because all my professional life I worked with diverse, ethnic, third country population. I thought working with the Mexicans would not be any different. But that was not to be so! Historically, my predecessors, the CEO’s before me were male, of Hispanic descent. I was the first non-Mexican, and female, too, CEO in the 25 year history of that organization, and I became the intruder in the community. I was too naïve to think that my vision of bringing the organization into a higher level in the health care arena would be a welcome change. Unfortunately, I underestimated the power and influence of the medical community of the city whose feathers I ruffled and whose practices were threatened as the organization grew. Couple this with the thick, tangled web of Mexican politics. When the Board Chair called to inform me of the board’s decision, I reacted in disbelief because I did not expect it. I was angry because I did not deserve to be fired. The board decision ripped the organization apart, right down the middle, as people in the organization who believed in me fought for me to stay. On the other hand, people in the organization who disliked me danced with glee. I fought back, not to get back my job – I fought back to make them pay, and I won. I called upon the Bureau of Public Health to conduct an investigation of illegal practices of the Board of Directors. The Bureau of Public Health ruled to dissolve the Board that fired me, and placed the organization under the governance of another federally qualified health center. That, to me was victory. Likewise, in the court of law, the judge ruled that I was terminated wrongfully and the organization was ordered to compensate me. I never saw a dime of that compensation as the organization filed for bankruptcy – it didn’t matter much that I didn’t get paid – what mattered the most was the recognition that I was right all along. What did I learn from all these? In the following months, I did not feel anything but hurt. My self-esteem plummeted, I was fraught with grief, denial and anger. I got angry at those who caused me pain, those who rejected me. I was spiritually destitute. Then, I turned my effort into journeying inside. I began the trek back to myself, terrified but determined, anxious but hopeful. What I found petrified me. I found a woman who resembled me, but I don’t know her. Here is a woman who has known dramatic conflicts of good and bad, truth and lies, hope and despair, victory and defeat. I wanted to know her better. The journey inside made me face and acknowledge the ghosts of the past with admission, contrition, forgiveness, gratitude and faith. I started to discover more treasures from within as I emerged stronger, wiser and more confident in who I am and what I am. In the end I realized I only lost a job, that’s all. It crushed my ego, alright. It altered my lifestyle as the power and the money that came with the job were gone. I lost some friends – friends who couldn’t be there when chips are down. It was not the end of my world. It did not change the essence of my being, it did not make me less the person that I am. For what it’s worth, it gave me the opportunity to teach myself to stand tall, never to succumb to failure – because there is a GOD. It started as a child's game, a fanciful refuge from the occasional unpleasantness of childhood. Then it became a magical means of wiping away
parts of one's world. The game entailed believing that every time I turned my back, the world
behind me disappeared. Through a simple swivel of my body, the existence of
people, places and things turned into one big blank space. Everything unseen
vaporized like dreams on awakening. It is tempting to wonder whether leaving the Philippines, to live in another
country, is nothing more than making real that childhood illusion.
All of us have people, places and things that we wish to turn into blank
spaces. Times there are when our timeworn conflicts with country and kin
reach a point of futility. Like Ol' Man River we "gits weary an' sick of
tryin'". It was in the last millennium when I left, so it is difficult now to
pin-point the exact frustration which prompted my leaving. Maybe it was just
the natural assumption that new people, places and things would be less
frustrating. Future, unknown conflicts are usually fantasized as packages
with built-in solutions. Rarely do we consider that greener pastures may
harbor pests and vermin with deadlier stings. For such is the naivete and
innocence of hope. In our early years in America, we held on tightly to emotional trinkets brought from the left-behind world. Our nicely trimmed memories were deemed
enough antidote from feeling like extra-terrestrials in sci-fi movies,
surreptitiously settling on Earth, taking on the shape and nature of humans.
As new citizens, we were indeed absorbing the shape and nature of Americans
(all the way to the poundage), the chronology of our lives seemingly
beginning at our U.S. Port of Entry. Very quickly, in the gentle way of
summer turning into fall, the New World bleached out the Old World. We were
children again, erasing the world behind our backs. Bleached-out worlds, however, have ways of reclaiming clear lines and vibrant colors. And it is not just through CNN, the Internet and frequent trips to the Philippines. There are nerve endings inside us, hibernating all these
years like astronauts traveling to distant planets, which jolt into life at
unexpected moments. Its potency creates an unusual desire to put the
Philippines in full frontal nudity, decisively planting it in our direct line
of vision. Philippine occurrences become close enough to touch and smell.
Sometimes, the essence of gunpowder and freshly shed blood leave us wishing
for our childhood illusion. Awareness has a way of seducing us into involvement, prompting Filipino-Americans into discussions - and actions - to alleviate whatever
ails the Philippines. Medical missions, dietary, medical, educational and
financial aids: all these help. But all these can hardly put a dent on the
well-entrenched system which has deprived the people of these basic needs in
the first place. And it's a sure bet that there are those in the governmental
and ecclesiastical hierarchy who will move mountains to preserve the status
quo. Despite the euphoria and hubris of some Filipino-Americans, solutions do not rest with Filipinos abroad. Whether we like it or not, Philippine ways of
doing things have become alien to Filipino-Americans. Our solutions may
suggest eating apples when the need is for lanzones. For starters, we cannot
understand anymore a people's need for a New Messiah, how the sweat of a
suspected, sociopathic murderer turns into the healing holy moisture of
saints. Since the Philippines separated from America (or thought we did) in 1946, until this very hour, the Philippine press and some well-meaning national and
ecclesiastical leaders have inundated the country with solutions. If ideas on
how to better the Philippines were water, Filipinos would have needed Noah's
Ark a long time ago. The problem is not the absence of solutions but the
absence of attention. Those who can make the needed beneficial changes are
attending to other affairs. The country and the people are minor
considerations. The promise that the Philippines would be in the hands of
uncanonized saints is still unredeemed. But prayer groups are spreading. The daily 24-hour invocation of saints and
martyrs turns louder. The search for people who can cleanse lepers and drive
out demons has become more intensive. In some enclaves, Faith has adapted the
exclusivity of country clubs, making one wonder whether redemption now
requires platinum membership cards to present at heaven's gate.
Yes, the left-behind life has been made visible again. We see each other
vividly once more. It's difficult not to look and absorb all the facets of
the Old World's reality. But to what end? Right now, as hard as we stare,
we're really just looking, just looking. VISIT THE WEB SITE OF THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF CIM ALUMNI, INC. by clicking on any of the ASOCIMAI below:
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Reader's Comments
I respect Dr. Villa’s conservative view of the practice of Medicine. But, Medicine is an art variedly practiced, constantly improved and modified so that results are achieved with precision and not given up to chance. Blame it on the advances of science and technology that once established dogmas have to be rewritten to reflect current facts and realities. The wealth of knowledge we have today did not happen overnight. It has evolved us intellectually from flat-Earth believers to astronauts. And thanks to brave thinkers who risked their reputations and lives to question established dogmas. ***********************
ASOCIMAI Potpourri
Anita Avila, M.D. Class 1965
Gabriel Sanchez, M.D. Class 1964
Meneleo E. Avila, M.D. Class 1965
Ben Fajardo, M.D Class 1966
Lagrimas Sadorra, M.D. Class 1967
Tony Macatol, M.D. Class 1973
Jose Auditor, M.D. Class 1972
Bebie Auditor, M.D. Class 1972
Sonny Moreno, M.D. Class 1972
Marian Cordonez-Tan, M.D. Class 1979
Marissa Batayola-Manabat, M.D. Class 1991
Cherry Pantinople, M.D. Class 1996
Our web site traffic was unbelievable last month. There were more than 200 average visits or hits a day for more than a week recorded in our Class 1972 web site account after I sent out the Reunion issue of our newsletter and the reunion pictures' pages. This number of hits recorded I believe is the total number of visits of all the pages in the web site. It doesn't indicate which page is being visited often. The same thing happened in our ASOCIMAI web site. By the way, Brain Waves is housed in our Class 1972 web site but is linked to our ASOCIMAI web site and so with the reunion pictures' pages just as some of the pages in our ASOCIMAI web site are being linked to our Class 1972 web site. We want everyone to be able to access both ways like "have the cake and eat it too."
We, the leaders and volunteers of our association, would like to thank all of you for visiting our web sites, reading our newsletter and viewing our reunion pictures. Please accept our heartfelt gratitude and appreciation to those who attended our reunion. Especially those who took the time to answer the reunion survey in our ASOCIMAI web site, you just don't know how much we appreciate your feedback. This is the kind of participation that could give us the ammunition to plan for a better strategy to achieve even greater success for our next alumni reunion. Although there are many attendees who participated in that survey, we can't help but still wish for more. Is it okay if we keep on wishing? Except perhaps for two or three reunion attendees, who gave fair and good grades in the survey, the rest gave excellent grades to all the reunion activities and related items. This is more than enough encouragement for us to even work harder and do more. It provides us the confirmation that you definitely know what a great reunion is when you see one and appreciate it.
Our Vice-President Maida Antigua who is also the webmaster of our ASOCIMAI web site, has conveniently and beautifully created a special page in our ASOCIMAI web site solely for the highlights of our 2002 reunion in Washington, D.C. Particularly those of you who were not able to attend the reunion, you can visit this page and click on any of the events at your fancy. It includes the pictures of the Austrian trip a number of alumni went with that would make you wish you were there with them. Moreover, if you want to read the different speeches from different alumni for the tribute to the visionaries, simply click on the one you want to read including the invocation. There are also CIM inaugural speeches and lectures by Dr. Jacinto Velez and Dr. Renato Espinosa as well as the letters of Dr. Poblete to the alumni and that from one of our scholars. And of course, there are many more. If you want to visit the page now, click on it below. Otherwise read on and get back to it later. Well, here it is - the wonder of the information technology that just less than a year ago, many of us never thought but only dreamed we could have it to change our association into something extraordinary. That dream has come true. Now just one click, that's all it takes, and you're in the technological wonder of ASOCIMAI. Wait. Don't go to sleep. You're not dreaming. It's real. Click now.
Reunion 2002 Highlights
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San Diego, CAINSIGHTS
San Diego, CA**********************************
Camotes, VALaughs Only
Camotes, Egypt
Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for her and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her wand and poof! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy godmother assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart's desire. He paused for a moment, then said, "Well, honestly, I'd like to have a good woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and poof! He was 90!!
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The old man looked mystified but later realized what she had meant when he himself discovered that his zipper was open. He caught up with her in the corridor. "By the way, Miss Sanchez, " he said with a grin, "when you saw my barrack's door open this morning, did you see a soldier standing to attention?"
"No," she replied coolly, "all I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two old duffel bags." ***********************************
Travel - Iceland
by Anny Hefti
July 10-22, 2002
Area: 103,000 square km. (smaller than England); an isolated island in the Atlantic**********************************
STANDING TALL
by: Marie Belen C. Flores-Rosales, M.D. M.P.H.
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The Life Behind
by Tito Alquizola, M.D. UST 1962
(Editor's Note: Tito Alquizola is a retired psychiatrist of the UST Class 1962 living in Tampa, Florida. He is an essayist whose writings have been published in Philippine magazines and U.S. periodicals. Currently, he writes a regular (Duty Free) column for Sun Star Weekend, a weekly Cebu magazine that can be read in the Cebu Sun Star web site. This article was originally published in Sun Star Weekend, Cebu. Hopefully, he continues to contribute to our newsletter regularly. We are including him as a guest correspondent of CIM Brain Waves.)**********************
God, why are there a-holes?